other than that, the past few days have been rather awkward for me.. there are a lot of inner issues i'm trying to come to terms with.. but honestly, i'm having a very hard time just being able own up to them.. farhaan had a dream that i died. i went to dreammoods.com so that i could look up what it meant and also to be able to look up the meaning of this dream that i had the very next day.. i had a dream that an alligator wanted to attack me.. anyways, what the dream dictionary saiud turned out to be quite interesting.. fo rme at least. for farhaan's dream, this is what it said (this is a direct lift so i ain't chainging nothing), "To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what do you like about him. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, it indicates that whatever that person represents has no part in your own life..."
well, i don't know what exactly to make of it because i don't want to have to give the meaning of his dream to him. instead, i think that it is something for him to ponder upon.. but that is again up to him.
on the other hand, this is what the site had to say about my alligator dream, "To see an alligator in your dream, symbolizes treachery, deceit, and hidden instincts. It may be a signal for you to take a new perspective on a situation. It may also represent your ability to move between the material world of waking life and the emotional, repressed world of the unconscious. Alternatively, the alligator represents healing powers and qualities. To dream that you are running away from the alligator, indicates that you are unwilling to confront some painful and disturbing aspect of your unconscious. There is some potentially destructive emotion that you are refusing to acknowledge and owning up to.". so i must admit, there have been many things that i have been keeping to myself. i don't even want to talk about them let alone think about them because when i do, i start to think about a whole spectrum of things then i just get upset, cry, then get dizzy.. on otherdays, i just hurl after feeling so sick.
all in all, these past two months have been like a dream.. at times a good one and at other times a complete nightmare. i'm no longer sure of how much i'm worth.. and i frankly find that quite sad because i've always thought of and known that i'm important in the lives of those i love.
i hate myself for feeling this way but i can't help it. i've ben thinking about a lot of things lately and i hope that i'll be able to come to terms with myself and my feelings one day. if not for me, then for farhaan.. how i love him so..